


On the verge

by DemTaro



Series: Short stories [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Canon Universe, Depression, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-23
Updated: 2021-02-23
Packaged: 2021-03-17 12:21:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 994
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28974279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DemTaro/pseuds/DemTaro
Summary: Levi had to learn how to leave without guidance. After the last expedition, it seems like he left something in Shiganshina that he could never get back.
Relationships: Levi/Erwin Smith
Series: Short stories [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2125239
Comments: 1
Kudos: 6





	On the verge

**Author's Note:**

> I bring you after-Shiganshina pain and angst again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a draft i never posted and since i'm leaving the fandom. I decided to post it, just because.

"What are you planning to do after all titans are eliminated, Commander? Do you want to retire?"

"I don't have such plans... We have to reach that goal first and then maybe I can start to th-" 

"Oi, Erwin. Did you make the man come all the way from the capital just to spit that shit out? Nobody is going to buy the newspaper to read that excuse of an answer."

He laughs a little, he always does when Levi speaks like that. "You are right, Levi. I think I can do better than that... Uhm...let's see... I think I would retire, yes. I always wanted to be a teacher. Maybe I can have a family if it's not too late already"

The interviewer seems contented with that answer. "What about you, Captain? Any plans?"

Levi Tch'd and looked away. Plans? He never had a future, he always lived his life day by day and things haven't changed at all when it comes to his possibilities. But if Erwin lied like that, he thought he could do it too. "Hm... I would like to have a tea shop." that's all he said.

\--

"I bet your kids would be ugly. You seriously think inheriting those eyebrows is a good idea? More like a curse if you ask me"

Erwin looked surprised for a moment, like he had forgotten about the interview that happened just two hours ago. Then he laughed and replied "Ah, you're right. After all I don't think a bad son could ever be a good father. I just said that because you told me to come up with something".

Levi didn't like when Erwin spoke like that about himself. He's a good man, he would be a great and caring father. And he wouldn't admit out loud that his children would surely be as pretty or even more than him.

After a moment of silence, Erwin spoke again "Now you know what would be funny? You working on a teashop" He hid his smile with his left hand and then lowered his voice if that's even possible, impersonating Levi's "Here's your tea, you piece of shit. Take it and leave before my tea shop gets dirty, pig"

He laughed like he just made he funniest joke ever heard in the world. Levi just stared.

He could let him make fun of him, once.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"Plans for my future" he said to himself. He's not sure at this point if he's just thinking or speaking out loud. The sound of the wind rushing by his ears is so loud. He haven't stopped hearing them... The screams of those soldiers while they were crashed and ripped by flying boulders. Screams in the middle of a storm. Wind running at the speed of sound and blood raining over his face.

"Future, you say" He repeats. He can't hear his voice anymore. Before, it was a thing of every day... It was like his own internal voice was replaced. Erwin spoke to him, he asked for things, he laughed, he whispered. But not now, not anymore. As time passed, that voice became a ghost, until he forgot how it sounded. "Never had one. Because time is not passing..."

He flew one last time over the city in the middle of the night and stopped on the edge of the wall just in time. He tested his gear to be sure he was completely out of gas.

He was. 

It was freezing. He looked at the starts one last time.

"You always knew it too, didn't you? That we never had a future. Of course... Your last goal was to prove there was people outside the walls... And well... Congratulations! There is... And they all want to kill us..."

He laughed bitterly to himself. Because all of this was a big fucking joke, and a very bad one. He laughed at the irony of his life. He has to take care of the person that took Erwin away from him. Or did he? Didn't Levi took him away from himself?

Taking care of him, killing him, letting him escape. What's the goal now? Does it even change something? It doesn't. It has no meaning now, no one's going to come back. Not that he didn't know that... But still... 

Levi was sure of only one thing and it was the fact that he never had a future. His role ended when Erwin died, now he's not needed anymore. They can manage, and this is way too painful... To keep pretending to play along, to keep pretending he cares about what happens next.

He's been a dead man walking for so long... No one's gonna give a fuck anyway. If only he could get some rest already... If only he could sleep like those winter nights when Erwin needed someone to keep him company because of the phantom pain in his arm. Those nights when Levi stayed by his side caressing his hair until he fell asleep, releasing him from his suffering. But this time to never wake up. 

"We can pretend to be normal people for once." is what he said "we can pretend we have goals and a future awaiting for us. That once we reach our goal, we are going to be happy. Right, Levi? Are we allowed to do that?"

Levi didn't answer this time. He doesn't even know if the voice in his head is him anymore. He only pretended once because if he pretended, maybe Erwin would feel a little better about doing it too.

But truth is...

"I know that thinking about the future is a joke to you, Levi. I know you. But... Would you make me a promise?" The voice in his head kept talking something that it never said before "You don't need to see the end of the road to keep walking, Levi." Levi opened his eyes "Promise me... That you're going to keep walking". Erwin's voice...


End file.
